I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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