Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
