im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
