I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize