I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
