We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
