Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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