I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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