I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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