I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
