They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
