Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
