Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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