every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
