Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
