I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
