did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
