I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
