the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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