He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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