just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
