When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
