I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
