A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
