I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
