Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
