i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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