I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
