jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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