just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize