Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
