I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
