I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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