yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
