I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
