So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
