Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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