All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
