Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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