hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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