i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
