You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
