I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize