you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
