my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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