She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
