I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
