Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think I won the penis lottery.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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