You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize