your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
