You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize