eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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