Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
