THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We smell like vodka and hangover
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