It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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