i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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