he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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