You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
