This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
