I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize