There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
