So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
