Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
