...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
