i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
