my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
