if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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