Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
