She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
