shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize