I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
