Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
