"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
