is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
