The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
