I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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