my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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