is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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