guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
