ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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