who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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