You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
