TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
