It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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