Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
