i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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