The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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