I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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